a weekend

My heart has been oh so heavy recently. I’ve been struggling to focus on the good and have continually felt overwhelmed by the negative things going on in my life. But this weekend, I visited Illinois, and I sat on the couch with my boyfriend, all of the windows open, wrapped in a blanket, the most wonderful dog on the earth sitting on my lap, and I was reminded of the good. Some days it doesn’t take much. It just takes waking up in the same place as people you love, or it just takes the perfect breeze blowing in the screen door and out the kitchen windows. It just takes hearing a little extra laughter and seeing the way a family looks at one another with so much love in their eyes. It’s seeing that look extended to me.

I have a piece of paper next to my door in my little home saying, “leave what’s heavy behind” – lyrics from a favorite song of mine, but a fierce reminder that when I walk through the threshold (whether I’m coming or going), I can shrug off whatever is weighing me down. This weekend, I was reminded of the peace that can accompany being utterly and completely content. It’s allowing myself to stay in the moment and not think beyond it.

There are things I need to worry about, things I need to let my mind linger on. But, overall, I need to give myself a break. I need to let myself dive into a moment without fear or without any heaviness, bobbing up a moment later. I think I’m finally at a place where I can give myself the permission to do that. I didn’t even realize I was denying myself a sense of happiness until I was in it, completely uninhibited. With this new permission, I know the people surrounding me will be able to sink into this place with me – this place where only love exists, and nothing else.